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The Associated Press. Every time a character says that, whether at a dreamy English estate or a stunning coastal retreat, you can set your watch — the first body will appear in minutes. Still, we hope for the best. Night Shyamalan film, so you know the premise will be clever and provocative.
Just give us a few meaty characters we can root for, a modicum of backstory to make us care, and decent katie kat nude to move things along. Not much to ask, right? Apparently, it is. Because Shyamalan bafflingly dispenses with all that, relying solely on an enticing premise and pretty scenery. The characters are quirky, but trust us, not in a good way — in an annoying, instantly tedious, I-dare-you-to-care-about-me way. The kids are nice enough, but each adult is more exasperating than the next, and more ridiculous.
The dialogue is often cartoonishly clumsy. Prisca and Guy are vacationing with their kids, Trent, 6, and Maddox, Prisca Vicky Krieps is a museum curator, clearly holding back a secret. There are marital troubles, perfunctorily established in an early scene where the couple argues, kids listening in. Honestly, would you? On the gorgeous beach, things quickly turn weird. Maddox recognizes a well-known rapper named Mid-Sized Sedan Aaron Pierresitting dazed in the distance.
Two new guests arrive — Patricia Nikki Amuka-Birda therapist who suffers epileptic seizures, and her husband Jarin Ken Leunga nurse. The group calculates that a half-hour on that beach equals a year of life. Obviously, people will die. The only question is who goes first. Or by the unintended pregnancy, the mental breakdown, the murder, the drowning, the seizure … oh, and one very bad calcium deficiency! How silly is the dialogue?
Of course, it all comes down to a Shyamalan-style final twist — the most entertaining part of the film, but it comes way, way too late. And maybe for good reason. This film lasts an hour and 48 minutes. Two stars out of four.
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